(no subject)

Last night I stayed up until the ungodly hour of MIDNIGHT-THIRTY alternating between "flavor-blasted" pizza Goldfish and these extremely suspicious red jelly v-day hearts that feel like they're going to pull out my fillings. If you ever want to eat a lot without really working at it, alternate between salty and sweet stuff. I can guarantee it's NOT healthy.

Then I went to bed, and when I woke up and happened to burp a couple times, it tasted like pizza goldfish and I was like, huh, I already forgot what the salmon tasted like last night.

I swear, I'm going to make a great old lady some day. I'm so good at being disgusting.

( The results of last night )

Instead of coloring that picture of AU Ed. Heehee. They just called out to me...

More!

1. 2.
3. 4.
5. 6.
7. 8.

3. I wish I knew how to make the script easier to see.
4. I've got it BAD.
7 and 8 happened because that kid, OMG, he gets his clothes ripped off a LEETLE too often. The fangirls are starting to talk, Ed. That, and yesterday on (YET ANOTHER) old rerun of the Simpsons, Dr. Hibbard says he put himself through medical school stripping by the name "Malcolm X." *cackles* GAWD, stripper names for the Hagaren cast...

Moral of the story

At the end of the day, I've learned that I STILL don't take criticism. I don't mean I don't take it well, I mean, I don't fucking take it. If you want to tell me I'm wrong, drop it and stop wasting your time. I'm too stupid to listen, and everybody else is too stupid to notice what I actually need to fix.

The secret is out: I AM WEAK. I am a weak, weak girl. I think I've mentioned how sensitive I am in here, and how it's not about being an unearthly, delicate flower of mist that envelops all your stupid fucking hardships. It's about being upset all THE FUCKING TIME and being told you're a idiot for it and HATING EVERYBODY ELSE FOR BEING STUPID. I don't know how it happened, but I grew up into someone who will aim her teeth at the nearest throat when criticism comes up, because it MAKES ME UPSET (do you understand? We're not asking WHY, we're not trying to fix it, it just IS). What amazes me is that people are still willing to give so MUCH of it, even after I've told them I don't want it. Apparently one of the rules of criticism is that people who actually don't need it are just being fuckheads and should get over themselves! It's like they're planning for the end of the movie, the big climax where I realize I overcame my outrageous, uncontrollable feelings, except MY LIFE IS NOT A FUCKING MOVIE. I am actually NOT the type who gets going the more someone shits on everything they do. That's the job of a fictional character---they're rare personalities in rare circumstances living out our fantasies. I'm a REAL PERSON, and I don't ever want life or other people to treat me like that, especially not for something that sounds like "for your own good."

What drives me crazy is that it's keeping me from being a big girl and listening to everybody talk to hear the sound of their voices and leave me to deal with it all by myself! It's insane, I know, but I can't make stop myself. Such a tragedy. So the only thing left for me to do is to actually blame everyone else instead of blaming myself or nobody.

And in the end, blaming everybody else comes down to something as simple as just telling them to shut up. I will not change myself and break my heart when I can put the responsibility on a faceless world that can't take it as hard as me.

P.S. Lindsay, you can still ask for EdRoy.

Besides getting riled up for my own good (I have to every so often), I drew (am drawing) a picture of Ed eating cake like a caveman, only he's in a suit and much cuter. I'm trying to decide whether the frosting should be chocolate, or vanilla? (both have their downsides).

EDIT: P.S.S. It's okay if you comment and say WTF? I'm being incoherent, anyways. =_=