(no subject)

So nowwwwwww there's a waaaaaake todaaaay. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.

It's only hitting me now because I've been in an inpenetrable funk for like the last 48 hours, but I'm going to a thing for a dead person for all three hours, and I have to figure out an outfit I don't hate (mom will help thank god), figure out what I'm going to say if anything, tolerate a wake and/or talk to people about how I feel. Minori will be there and she will be SAD, the whole thing will be sad, and I'm (internally) fussing over a RoyEd fanfic, bittersweet life etc., relationships, friendships, art, and various other shit I was worried about before poor old Ann died. I care, I REALLY REALLY do, but I'd like to deal with it maybe a few days from now, because I'm working out other things that make me sad now and they just came first, it's not like I picked it out. And I can't get out of this event, by the way, I'm not going to let myself say, damn, I can't go to a wake now. Not a fucking chance in hell.

HELP. I thought it would get better with a good night's sleep but I AM MESSED UP RIGHT NOW.

Ann will be cremated and her ashes will be scattered in Minori's gorgeous back yard. I think the wake will not be open casket. I'm going to bring cookies I happened to make on Thursday.

(no subject)

Have returned from wake safe, sound, alive, but a little nauseous from greasy fish and chips we went for after. (Fucking gall bladder.) Parents say I was gracious and nice and perfectly fine.

It was open casket. Yeah. I wasn't wearing my glasses, so I didn't see Ann all that well. And by the way, I am immature and in denial, I half expected her to just get up. I can say it was pretty boring, and a little (sometimes rather) awkward, but not excruciating, and I have done excruciating before. Rose showed up an hour in, and before that I met this little guy-kid who was Minori's student of four years. He looked nervous more than anything, haha I wonder what he thought of the wake.

Minori is due to give a performance at a memorial service for Hiroshima at a church in Boston, and I thought she wasn't going to go, but she IS. So no dim sum with Yang and Olive if they do go tomorrow, I have to go see a service, and it's interesting to see people dance, but not that much, not for three hours, when I want to go have food I like with friends I don't see so often. Mutter. Actually, if I'm dying to go out for dim sum, I probably can because the service is at 2, but...ehhhhh...somebody tell me if you guys are even doing iiittt. Next week there's a memorial party at Minori's house combined with her semi-yearly obon, and that, that's going to be REALLY long and boring. I'm really going to try to get out of that, because I love Minori but I am just not the model of Robin that sits around and talks with weird grownups for hours and hours. People will start offering me sake again, and I can't say I'm too young anymore because I'M 21 AHHHHH.

Omigod, I'm such an ungrateful student. =_=