Mm...not such a good day.

Last time I wrote I was due for a conference with my teacher. She said I could do my essay on something I liked better, and she was nice about it. That was great. We rescheduled our conference for noon today, when I was supposed to have done my work. But she never called. :< I think it was her lunch break. Maybe I was supposed to call her? So I'm worried about that, and I'm stressing over writing her an e-mail asking what's going on because I don't like writing e-mails to strangers.

My fambly obligingly ordered Indian food for a late birthday dinner. That was nice.


I played some RO on a low-rate server. Horror stories: I've already had some Magician get all huffy because I showed up an hour and a half after he asked me to party and I told him I was going to sign off (which I did, at my own expense). I buffed him before I left. What the fuck is his problem? Maybe I just went to eat or take a shower or do schoolwork. (I didn't, but saying "u lied" the second he sees me isn't going to cure that.)

RO is the online game I've played the most, and both genders are stupider. The guys are maybe this way just because there are so few who'll hit on an L2 dwarf with those dark elves standing around, whereas in RO everyone is the same gender and more or less the same cup size (3-4 pixels?). But in RO there is also a significant population of stupid girls who don't really care about playing the game---oh, and G.I.R.L.s, too. Friends I trust have made all the difference on that server. (I don't want to guilt trip, but I don't know if there's a point in saying that after complaining so bitterly about that guy.) Maybe another male character would help later.

It's weird, but I almost feel better about the Japanese fans making up a rumor about a school swimsuit somewhere in the game/アコたんの聖水/any number of fetish jokes.

Overall not a great day. I had this big mood swing at one point and I just sat there bawling for no reason I can locate.

A recent recurring thought is: I don't want to be loved, by anyone. I don't want to please people with charming defenselessness or flowing hair or a pleasant laugh. I can't stand to look at my mother. The idea of having inside my vagina a pen0r that is connected to a person frightens me. I should be eager to do all of these things, right ...maybe not, but it's kind of unusual for me.
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