I made my "acne-ridden grandmother" curry...and it was good! It has a nice bite. Yarr. So for my future reference, and for anybody out there looking for an English recipe for something like mabo curry (they seem to be in short supply), I'm going to write down my recipe.
STUFF TO BUY/OWN
A little bit of each of these spices (a pinch, or maybe 1/8 of a teaspoon):
These should all be ground, except for the fennel because it's small enough anyway
A little ginger (powdered or real, whatever)
Coriander
Cumin
Turmeric (I put in a little more of this because I heard it's what makes curry yalla)
Cardamom
Fennel
Mace
Cloves (This smelled really good when I put it in, so I used a bit more than 1/8 tsp)
Nutmeg
1-2 tsp. of white pepper (or black szechuan pepper, though I used the white kind)
Chili peppers (like, one or two little ones)
An onion (this can also be powdered if it's the kind without salt, though the real one must be better)
A block of extra-firm tofu (You know, they sell them in...blocks...you know!)
About a pound of hamburger (We used a little less. Also, this can be any ground meat you like. I think pork is the norm.)
One block of dorky Japanese curry roux
Mabo tofu sauce (Ahahaha the secret it out! Comes ready-made in a box, much like instant curry without vegetables)
Vegetable oil
STUFF TO DO WITH IT
1. Apparently there are special things you do with the chili peppers so you don't burn your face off when you mess with them. If you are using them, soak them in boiling (or hot) water first to soften them up, and then cover your hands or something while you cut them up. And then wash your hands and alland burn down the kitchen to prevent the spread of hot pepperness.
Incidentally, I didn't even get as far as cutting the one I used because I screwed up :D I just put it in the curry and let it float around while I was cooking. I think that worked fine.
This would probably be a good time to cut up your tofu into cubes (it has to be cubes, maybe 1/2 inch size), cut the onion into...onion bits...get out your curry blocks, defrost your hamburger etc.
2. Put a couple tablespoons of oil in a big pan. I didn't keep track of how much I put in, but I'm guessing 2-3 tablespoons. Let that get hot (it should sizzle if you put something wet in), and then start putting in spices and chili peppers. Doesn't seem to matter what order they go in, though I put in the white pepper first. It turned brown fast and it really did look roux, only, um, no flour here, man! :D
3. Put in the onion and cook it until it gets soft and brown. This is supposed to be important for good curry. Also, curry is nice when you don't find crunchy pieces of onion in it.
4. Add (it is so hard to type that without typing "ass" instead, you have no idea) the hamburger. Break it up and stuff. It should be in little individual...um...well, not chunky. At all. Let that get brown.
5. Put in the tofu. This should be the extra-firm kind because you're going to be stirring this a lot, and if it breaks up it'll be curry-flavored mashed tofu. Stir it in, you mostly just have to get it warm for it to be edible. Be gentle with the stirring from now on. (Don't squish it.)
6. Add about two cups of water, and then half your curry block and the mabo tofu sauce. Let those melt in, and then add the rest of the curry block and some more water. (About...one cup? I didn't use much water in this recipe...)
7. Let it all sit for a while. It might get a skin on it, so if you don't like that just stir some and it'll go away. (I also took out the red pepper at this point.)
8. Eat with white rice. Supposedly if you let curry sit for a day it gets better, but I can't wait that long, and this is MABO curry, anyway. Fufu. So consume freely. If you're crazy like Yang and you want wine with your curry, uh, screw you. I forgot his suggestions.
THE END.
I also had some disastrous fish and chips. They were disastrous because dad made them and he didn't know how to use the deep-fryer right, so he put it all in the baskets at once and the batter...stuck together and became one giant conglomeration. Well, we had some that came out looking right, and it all tasted good.
And I still like L. I speculate that he dislikes spicy food enough to have a humorous reaction to curry.
EDIT: But... ... *gets together some mabo curry* L~! Will you try this for me? vvv
EDIT:
Robin: *comes back wiping curry off of face* Success! Fufufu.
Raito: No, he just passed out for a minute. You didn't KILL him. *mutters*
Misa: *draped on the couch* Raito~! Come watch the Oscars with me! Pwetty pwease?
Raito: *still muttering, goes over to keep Misa from complaining*
Robin: "Hello, Clarice..." *giggles and turns on RO*
L: Did you make any annindoufu after all?
Robin: No.
L: *shuffles over to stand behind the couch, where he also watches the Oscars*
Misa: *frowns at L* Go away.
STUFF TO BUY/OWN
A little bit of each of these spices (a pinch, or maybe 1/8 of a teaspoon):
These should all be ground, except for the fennel because it's small enough anyway
A little ginger (powdered or real, whatever)
Coriander
Cumin
Turmeric (I put in a little more of this because I heard it's what makes curry yalla)
Cardamom
Fennel
Mace
Cloves (This smelled really good when I put it in, so I used a bit more than 1/8 tsp)
Nutmeg
1-2 tsp. of white pepper (or black szechuan pepper, though I used the white kind)
Chili peppers (like, one or two little ones)
An onion (this can also be powdered if it's the kind without salt, though the real one must be better)
A block of extra-firm tofu (You know, they sell them in...blocks...you know!)
About a pound of hamburger (We used a little less. Also, this can be any ground meat you like. I think pork is the norm.)
One block of dorky Japanese curry roux
Mabo tofu sauce (Ahahaha the secret it out! Comes ready-made in a box, much like instant curry without vegetables)
Vegetable oil
STUFF TO DO WITH IT
1. Apparently there are special things you do with the chili peppers so you don't burn your face off when you mess with them. If you are using them, soak them in boiling (or hot) water first to soften them up, and then cover your hands or something while you cut them up. And then wash your hands and all
Incidentally, I didn't even get as far as cutting the one I used because I screwed up :D I just put it in the curry and let it float around while I was cooking. I think that worked fine.
This would probably be a good time to cut up your tofu into cubes (it has to be cubes, maybe 1/2 inch size), cut the onion into...onion bits...get out your curry blocks, defrost your hamburger etc.
2. Put a couple tablespoons of oil in a big pan. I didn't keep track of how much I put in, but I'm guessing 2-3 tablespoons. Let that get hot (it should sizzle if you put something wet in), and then start putting in spices and chili peppers. Doesn't seem to matter what order they go in, though I put in the white pepper first. It turned brown fast and it really did look roux, only, um, no flour here, man! :D
3. Put in the onion and cook it until it gets soft and brown. This is supposed to be important for good curry. Also, curry is nice when you don't find crunchy pieces of onion in it.
4. Add (it is so hard to type that without typing "ass" instead, you have no idea) the hamburger. Break it up and stuff. It should be in little individual...um...well, not chunky. At all. Let that get brown.
5. Put in the tofu. This should be the extra-firm kind because you're going to be stirring this a lot, and if it breaks up it'll be curry-flavored mashed tofu. Stir it in, you mostly just have to get it warm for it to be edible. Be gentle with the stirring from now on. (Don't squish it.)
6. Add about two cups of water, and then half your curry block and the mabo tofu sauce. Let those melt in, and then add the rest of the curry block and some more water. (About...one cup? I didn't use much water in this recipe...)
7. Let it all sit for a while. It might get a skin on it, so if you don't like that just stir some and it'll go away. (I also took out the red pepper at this point.)
8. Eat with white rice. Supposedly if you let curry sit for a day it gets better, but I can't wait that long, and this is MABO curry, anyway. Fufu. So consume freely. If you're crazy like Yang and you want wine with your curry, uh, screw you. I forgot his suggestions.
THE END.
I also had some disastrous fish and chips. They were disastrous because dad made them and he didn't know how to use the deep-fryer right, so he put it all in the baskets at once and the batter...stuck together and became one giant conglomeration. Well, we had some that came out looking right, and it all tasted good.
And I still like L. I speculate that he dislikes spicy food enough to have a humorous reaction to curry.
EDIT: But... ... *gets together some mabo curry* L~! Will you try this for me? vvv
EDIT:
Robin: *comes back wiping curry off of face* Success! Fufufu.
Raito: No, he just passed out for a minute. You didn't KILL him. *mutters*
Misa: *draped on the couch* Raito~! Come watch the Oscars with me! Pwetty pwease?
Raito: *still muttering, goes over to keep Misa from complaining*
Robin: "Hello, Clarice..." *giggles and turns on RO*
L: Did you make any annindoufu after all?
Robin: No.
L: *shuffles over to stand behind the couch, where he also watches the Oscars*
Misa: *frowns at L* Go away.